- August 25th, 2004
when was the last time my world was still together? it all came crashing down in the bink of an eye. the portrait in my collection has been torn to shreds, the jagged pieces strewn on the ground. i really don't feel like playing this cruel game anymore. what is there to gain? Nothing. I'm not the same person you left behind. the me that was back then is no more. why can't you see that? my eyes tell you everything and yet you ignore it. am i really that unimportant? i must be. i can't even find my purpose. its at times like these that i've realized how very indifferent i've become. she doesn't live here anymore. i look for her everywhere. felling weary from the search i finally spot her. she is sitting in a darkened corner. unable to speak, unable to hear, unable to think, unable to feel. poor blubbering fool. her clothes are tattered, her hair unwashed. her pale skin almost luminescent in the light of the moon. she hasn't slept in years. hasn't eaten in weeks. i grab her by the shoulders and shake her violently. she doesn't respond. tears stream from her expressionless eyes. and so she dies in my arms over and over, time and time again. i always look for her, but she is always to be found in the same place. no one seems to see her. no one seems to care. she dies alone, no one to mourn her. and so daily life continues but i can't help but feel her motionless eyes on me, never leaving my presence, until i realize who she is and feel the true weight of the earth as it crashes on my shoulders.